Sometimes we’re embarrassed about bad things that happened in our past, and are afraid that our futures will be affected by it.
Subconsciously we might bury people, events, and memories deep down inside and try to forget or hide them.
The past could include a number of different things that elicit unwanted grief:
- a decision we made that now we cringe over
- trauma that hasn’t had closure or treatment
- having been singled out publicly for something private
- someone we got mixed up with (but hey it was a good idea at the time??)
- relationships that weren’t our best selves while in them
- words or behavior that came out of us that now we regret
And so on…the list could potentially be miles long for most of us.
But there are also things in our past that we can be proud of, even joyful over. But it’s the past pain that jabs us over and over, poking in that same spot in our chest that then tightens and brings anxiety.
We could try denying our past, and denying our reaction to those things from the past. Yet the stress and anxiety you’ve tried to deny will surface in other ways – mentally, physically, and emotionally. Like the recurrent headache or backache; increased blood pressure; outbursts of anger or tears; lack of concentration, just to name a few.
Your past will never go away, it is part of you and it’s ok to feel bad about it, embarrassed, confused, or uncomfortable. There's nothing you can change about the past - EXCEPT how you perceive it right now.
You can allow yourself to feel the discomfort, the pain, all of what happened, and all of how it felt and how vulnerable you feel now. The very thing you DIDN’T want to do! Acknowledging the feelings within you will actually help you to heal. All of this helps to bring you STRENGTH and the ability to move forward. You are embracing the part of you that feels and acknowledges and loves EVERY part of you.
The “past” has brought you to this point in life, even with all the ups and downs. Whatever things or people you’ve experienced in your past have had a hand in shaping who you are – your perspectives, your values, your beliefs, your growth and how you learn to become a better and better version of you all the time. Your experiences are part of you.
In life, you learn, you grow, and you share. You are exactly where you’re meant to be in your life. You’re finding where the pieces of your puzzle fit. You’re taking charge, although you may not realize it, and probably in a much different way than you ever would have expected. Life surprises us, and how we reacted to something or handled a situation 15 years ago would not likely be how we would do so now.
Sometimes we’re afraid that we’ll “mess something up” and it will change the course of everything forever. This is not true!
Your history is NOT your destiny! You are creating new moments all the time, new memories, new ways of communicating, new ways of loving and appreciating yourself. New moments with friends, new moments with family, new moments with your colleagues and with everyone you interact with. This includes YOU!
You are always in a state of recovery from your past. Relationships recover, events recover, and YOU recover. All parts of your journey - at whatever point in time in your life, you did the best you could with the best of your abilities. That could have been five years ago, or it could have been five minutes ago.
We’re constantly processing within us an up-to-the-second knowledge base that feeds us its awareness. The knowledge base contains information from our souls, brains, genes, bodies, feelings, environment, experiences, and insight.
So forgive yourself.
Say it out loud – “I forgive myself.” Dragging up the past is a sinister kind of comfort zone – not one we want to be in but one we know well, so we use past experience as a crutch that tends to crumple us rather than hold us up.
Forgive yourself of your past. It happened. It will always be there. It’s a part of you and who you are.
Will you let it control you? Or will you use it to motivate you?
So forgive yourself. Let go of the clutches of the past. And create your destiny.
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